A few years back when we were looking for a school to put the kids in, one of the things that attracted us to their school was the fact that they had a "Zero Tolerance" bullying rule. great! I mean, what do you want more? I was ecstatic. Seriously, you hear so much about bullying and how mean kids can be, it was like an answer to prayers.
Fast forward four years. Kennedy's fourth grade year and Louis' second grade. Kennedy (as most of you well know) has quite the personality. Vivacious, sassy, spunky and fun! She's got a little attitude, don't get me wrong...but she's got a lotta spice!! I should have known something was up when she started to say she didn't want to go to school and she would get upset really easily over the stupidest things. After months of this she finally told us that there was this group of boys in her class that were being so mean to her. They would go out of their way to call her ugly. They would tease her if she answered the question right or wrong or not at all....she really didn't have a fighting chance. She was surrounded. They even had a little "code". Because we had already spoken to the teacher and the principal about his numerous times-to no avail- they had to do this so they wouldn't get caught. They would walk past her and whisper K.I.U. (Kennedy is ugly) or K.I.G. (Kennedy is gay). Just really mean and horrible things. Long story short. Every single day of her fourth grade year involved being put down and made fun of. I don't know how she survived but she did. That girl is one tough cookie!!! She would listen to suggestions we would give and tell her that they are just jealous because they don't know the answer and don't want to look stupid...you are beautiful, they just don't know how to like you at this age so they are mean. Inside, I wanted to rip their heads off....I wanted to truly hurt them the way they had been hurting her. Obviously I did not. Nothing was done. No parents being brought into the picture, no disciplinary action. Nothing. Zero tolerance, really? Huh.
Meanwhile in the second grade, Louis is plugging along. He loves to play and pretend. If you give this boy a stick, he can imagine and play for hours. In fact, we have quite a huge selection of these at home :) He was playing at recess one day and two fourth grade boys came up and ripped the stick out of his hand. Ran up the hill, away from him. He sat there for a minute and then ran after them to get it back. The TWO FOURTH GRADE BOYS fought him off and broke the stick. Knocked him on the ground and when Louis when to push one of the boys off, he pushed on his throat to get him off.....that boy said that Louis was choking him. So...no questions asked, no explanation. All three boys were suspended for two days. Are you freaking kidding me? I have never been so upset in my whole life. If you know Louis, he's the most chill, easy going kid on the planet. (I know this is dragging on....there's a point, I swear). After speaking with the principal and hearing Louis story, they just said "Zero Tolerance". The end.
Really? So my daughter can get bullied for 9 months and these boys don't even get a punishment, besides having to talk to the principal. And Louis get automatically suspended. Nice.
p.s. Just f.y.i. Louis' teacher knows exactly what happened and she was really emotional when she told me about it. She said, "He's the principal I have no choice but to do what he wants. But Louis and I know exactly what happened and we have had many long talks about it. He's one of the best kids I know." At the end of the year she gave him an award for being her "strongest" student....
This is why I have zero tolerance for zero tolerance. There is never a one size fits all punishment or way of looking at things. You have to be objective. Take into considerations the people and circumstanced involved in every decision.
Sorry to be so personal and serious, it's something that I've wanted to document for a long time, but it took me a long time to get over it. (Obviously, I'm not over it!!) This is one of the reasons we decided to start at a new school. Start somewhere that nobody knows us. No reputation that precedes us. Just start fresh!!
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7 comments:
I totally agree with you on that--there is never a one size fits all punishment. I'm glad you started fresh--hope the kids have a much better year.
ug. being a kid is so hard. Bless their sweet little hearts, and I totally agree with you!
That is so unfair and so ridiculous! I'm sorry your kids had such a hard time - that's so heartbreaking as a mom. I'm glad you are at a new school!
That's terrible! My 16 year old, 97% blind, niece is dealing with bullying in Colorado Springs. It's so scary and frustrating when you can't insure their safety and the people that are supposed to protect them WON'T! So glad they are at a new school and hope things are better for them there!
Being a kid is tough! Good thing you have some good & strong kids! I'd do the same thing! Completely agree with you!
Man oh Man. That's so rediculous! Your story sound like it should be on theat "What would you do" show. I can't believe cute Kennedy had that happen for so long, and Lewis! Good for him to stand up to the older boys!
I hope you gave that principal an earfull.
I am so sorry your kids had to go through that! I hate 0 tolerance too. It just means the administration is not smart enough or gutsy enough to make judgements on a case by case basis.
My school was "no tolerence" too, and there were several times I could have lost my job and possibly my license because I didn't turn kids in for bringing nail clippers (a weapon) or cough drops (all medications must be brought to school by the parent), etc. I just told the kid to put it in their back pack or my desk drawer and prayed they didn't tell anyone else! It just seemed crazy to have a sweet little kid suspended for a week for bringing nail clippers to school!
Hope things are going better at the new school!
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